To Dance With The Devil
by A-Kubrick-Spent
Summary: Ikari Shinji is an unusual child to begin with- fighting giant robots and whatnot. So, he becomes even more unusual when the Devil Himself decides to make him the new Anti-Christ, to raise some serious Hell on Earth.
1. The Boy's Are Back in Town

Shinji looked at the man in front of him increduously. "You want me to _what_?"

He lifted up a pipe to his too red lips. "Simply, become my minion upon this Earth- sow destruction, reap the souls of the innocent, burn crosses, and generally raise some Hell. Literally, of course."

"And I should do this why?" Normaly, the introverted boy wouldn't be so forthright with this person (Who had invited him here off the street. The lad had seen no good reason _not_ to follow him, for some reason)

"Because, seeing as you are already fihting some angels, you might as well seal the deal and go all the way. But, I am being rude. The name's Lucifer," he said, extending an immaculate hand that stretched from a pin-striped suit. Shinji took it ater a moment

"Ikari Shinji, Lucifer-san. I take it that you're...?"  
The man smiled, the small cafe they were in bustling around them. "Yes, Satan, ruler of Hell and all its subsidaries. And now, Shinji my boy, I am willing to make you the new King on Earth!" The waitress came back with his coffee, and he smiled sweetly and thanked her. For her part, the pretty girl fluttered her eyelashes at him, then left with a noticeable swin in her hips. "How would you like to be the Anti-Christ? All the powers of the Devil, with none of that pesky mortality to get in the way. Money, fame, women, yada yada and all the perks. And, when you retire, you get an all expenses paid suite in the Hotel Inferno, the premiere luxury location of the seventh circle of Hell! Sound interesting?"

Were he someone else, he would be laughing in the mans face and walked out. But, facts remain, Shinji was as Shinji is- a shy, introverted boy who looked for warmth and guiadance, and piloted a God killing machine. "Wouldn't... wouldn't that hurt the... the others?" His face was looking at the space between his legs, the floor dustless and clean.

"Not unless you wish to! That's the beauty of it," said the Devil. _He sounds like a buisnessman_, Ikari thought. "The powrs are completely your own- I give you them if you wish, and then you do as you may- with the express purpose of bringing the world into a new age of Darkness- keep in mind that I am eons old and have a far-reaching sense of accomplishment. Still, the offer, as it stands, is yours to take or leave. I won't pressure you into it- being the harbinger of doom isn't foreveryone, after all."

"Ummm... you sound like... like you've d-done this... before..." He still didn't look up, not meeting the mans eyes (Which may or may not have been for the best).

"Of course I have, mi-boy," he said warmly. For the Master of Darkness, Lucifer seemed like an alright man. "Part of the job discription, since it was pretty much forced on me." Satan sighed wearily. "Tell you the truth, Shinji, I never wanted to be Ruler of Hell- heh, I stood up for you lot when God first set Adam up to fail. But, I did- the Big Guy doesn't like you messing with his grandstanding, but, whatever."

"You sound... tired, Lucifer-san."

"Eons, lad, eons. So... what do you think?"

Shinji finally looked up. For some reason, it never occoured to him to doubt that this man truly _was_ the Devil Himself- it was merely another fact, along with Eva, Angels, and every other little thing in his life. "I'll... have to..." He paused. "Lucifer-san?"

The being held up his hands placatingly. "Call me Lou, boy, just Lou. Lucifer makes me sound like some angel or other."

"S-Sorry. Lou-san, why me? Why not... someone else?" He had been going to say _Why not Asuka?_, but the fear of retribution was so strong he bit his tongue, even though the red-head couldn't concieveably find out about this conversation. Afterall, the Third Child did not seem the type for Devil-hood.

"Because I like you, kid," Lucifer said quietly, He no longer had his fake, buisness like tone- indeed, he seemed, at the moment, just a world weary soul. "You've taken a lot, a lot more then most. Hell, weren't for the killing angels thing, you could be a saint." He allowed himself a small chuckle, which Shinji did not mirror. "Yeah, Shinji, I like you- I know there are people more... _fit_, let's say, for the job I've described, but I know you could use it. Use it well, even. My offer still stands, Shinji mi-boy." He smiled again, this time with a slight twinkle in his startlingly black eyes. He drained his mostly untouched coffee in a single long swill, almost like he had forgotten to breathe, Another smile, and he urned to leave.

Shinji muttered something under his breath.

"Eh?"

"H-how... may I... reach you if... if... if I d-decide to... agree?" His face was still inclined down towards his bland shoes.

Satan smiled broadly, and the few people looking in his deriction felt the urge to look away. "I'm like a genie, lad; say my name three times, and I'll be there. Now, I'll be off. You... just think, alright?"

Shinji found himself nodding even as the Dark Lord walked away at a brisk pace. _For the doom of mankind and Lord of Pain, he doesn't seem half bad. Strange,_ thought the boy. With a sigh, Ikari Shinji pushed himself up, placing a few bills on the table as a tip. He hadn't ordered anything, no, but he didn't want the poor waitress to go unpaid. Satan doesn't tip well, it seemed. His hands in his pockets, he left the small cafe. Outside, it started to rain.

***

The streets of Tokyo-3 were awash in the oily rain that impacted off the slick skyscrapers that jutted angirly into the dimming night sky. Ikari walked like he always did, head bowed, hands in his pockets, the wires of his SDAT poking out of his ear. He didn't mind the rain beating down on him- it was warm, and felt nice on his skin, his hair collecting it like a sponge. The streets still bustled with all of their accoustemed activity, just with more umbrellas about them. _They're like ants,_ he thought sullenly. _They just do because that's what they're told. _He was still deep in his musings when he was knocked down, mid-stride by someone who was rushing on their way. He hit the ground- hard.

Stars rushed past his gaze in a corona of light- and pain, lots of pain. He sat up and clutched his aching nose, running his fingers gingerly along the sides. _Well, at least it's not broken_, he thought ruefully, shaking his head to get the cobwebs out. Cement and faces don't usually end with good results; he was lucky at just having a bruised nose and a bruised ego. The city continued to walk around him, not a one even bothering to help him up. On shaky legs, he pushed himself up. He frowned suddenly, his reaching around to brush carefully over his backside. _Great. Just... great._

His wallet was gone. _Wonderful._

Tokyo-3. He was beginning to see the problem. With a sigh, his hands returned to his pockets, and he continued on his way. He suddenly had a destination in mind.

***

It was a small plot in one of the cities many cemetaries. There were always more bodies then they had holes, but there was more land for people than could be happily filled.

And Shinji had most certainly buried people. He gave a wan smile. "Hey there, Toji. How's it been, buddy?"

He sat down next to the hollow grave- there hadn't been enough left after the... incident... to merit even putting it in the ground. "Long time no... see, I guess. How's Heaven? Or... wherever, I guess. Bet you're having fun beating on... whoever's up there with you. Heh, heh," he laughed with no mirth in his eyes. "I'm... I'm..." He couln't finish the sentence. _I'm so sorry, Touji._

He remembered- everything. The screaming, the pleading, the fear, the... blood. Broken promises and all that. He looked across at the tombstone. It read, "Rest in Peace,

Toji Suzuhara. Brave and Unforgotten."

Shinji didn't think it was a very good message- it didn't say anything about him, really; brave was such an abstract term, and to be unforgotten... well, it was hard to be remembered when your death was classified.

There were footsteps behind him; he didn't turn to look. They stopped just behind him on the other side of the grave. "Hey," he said quietly.

"Ikari," the girl regarded him. There was a shuffling behind him, and the scent of lillies. He turned briefly to see a modest boque of flowers on his friends artificial grave.

"Horaki," he nodded. There was an awkward silence, and Hikari scuffed her feet in the green, green grass. "Listen," he finally said.

"Yeah?" Her voice was soft and sad.

"I'm... I'm... well, for all this, I am-"

The slap left his cheek stinging and red. The brown haired girl was suddenly before him, rage in her eyes. "Don't you dare, don't you _fucking_... dare." He rubbed his cheek ruefully. "You don't... you can't! You..."

"He was my friend too," he said quietly. She looked ready to slap him again, but abruptly her face erupted into tears.

"He could have been more! He... He... Toji..." She wrung her hands, then wiped furiously at her tearful eyes with her balled fists. "You killed him," she bit out in a harsh whisper.

It hurt him more than any slap could. "I didn't, I.. Eva-"

"You. Are. Eva." He could hear her teeth grind against each other. "Everything you are, he... he..." She trailed off, glaring at the Third Child.

"He was scared," he supplied in a whisper. "Terrified. He showed me- he was shaking all over. And I told him that he would be okay." He laughed that same, mirthless laugh of his. "I can just imagine the look on his face as my Eva-"

Another slap on the cheek, harder then the last one. He brifly looked directly into her tear streaked eyes. "You think, y-y-you think you-!"

He raised up a single hand. "Shut up, Horaki. Just... Shut the _fuck _up. I'm tired, I'm sad, and I'm abjectly terrified of what is gonna happen. I've lost what was possibly the best friend I'd ever had, and all you can do is rub it in my face. I hate you, Hikari. You're a fucking coward who should be in this hole... not him." He took a deep breath, suddenly seeming to shrink. "Goodnight," he said almost inaudibly, before going off into the setting of the sun.

***

"Tadaima," he murmured into the darkness of the apartment. He heard Misato'a throaty snores from the other room, and looked at the nearby clock. _16:34. I'm not that late... at least, I don't _think _that I am._

"Have fun, Third?"

He stopped dead in his tracks at the voice of Asuka. "W-what?"

"Hikari called me," she continued. "Said that she was sorry and all that. Something about a grave. She was pretty upset at you,it seems." Her eyes sparkled brilliantly in the darkness. "Something I should know?"

"No more then the next," he intoned blandly. Her fist crashed into the wall to her left.

"Damnit, Third! What did you do to her?!"

Shinji couldn't help but smile. "I'm sure she told you all about it, Asuka-san."

She shook her head. "Worthless," she said quietly. "Worthless Child!" She slammed her fist into the wall again. "Why don't you grow a fucking spine for once? Fucking _face me_!!!"

He cocked his head to one side. "Yes? How may I serve?"

She closed the distance between them in an instant. There faces but millimetres apart, gazing deeply into one anothers eyes, their breath intermingling in heavy, short bursts.

Then, she kneed him in the gut, hard. His lungs let all their air out in one great _whoosh_, and his limp form coalesced upon her knee until she pulled it from his stomach. She whispered intimately into his ear, "Stupid boy. At least Toji had some courage to him. He died well. You? Just a fucking coward."

He coughed, and tasted blood in his throat. She spat on him when he looked up, then turned on her heel and left.

He coughed again, pulling himself up onto the couch in the middle of the room.

"Lucifer," he said.

"Lucifer," he said.

"Lucifer," he said again. The man was sitting next to him now, smiling slightly.

"I knew you'd come to see things my way, Shinji mi-boy. Shall we?"

He didn't look at him. "How does this work?"

Satan produced a long parchement and an ornate feather quill. "Sign this, please." He gave Shinji the quill, and pointed, "Here," again, "here, and here." His smile widened. "Good, good! Wonderful even, lad. You are now the Anti-Christ upon Earth! Feel free to wreak havoc and reap souls to your hearts content!"

"And how would I do that?"

"When you wish upon a star, or something. I suggest you sleep on it- everything seems better in the morning. Oh, and I got you a present!"

"What?"

A cold spot appeared on his shoulder, causing him to turn. "Yo, Shinji!" The ghost of Toji Suzuhara grinned toothily at him.

Shinji nodded congenially at him, then his eyes rolled up in their sockets as he slumped against the soft couch behind him.


	2. Fall Victim

_God, my head hurts._

That was the first thought that went through his head- the second, as he was opening his bleary eyes, was,_ Too... bright... _

He closed them again, letting the light behind his eyes dim, then opened them again. Still too bright. Still, it was better then the last time, so he kept his eyes wide open, willing the brightness to dim. Surprisingly enough, it did.

"Whatcha doin', Shin-man?"

His mind was still addled from sleep, the shadows stretching to form... something. "A-Asuka?" He closed his eyes (In case physical violence was forth-coming).

"Ouch. Ya wound me, man. How's that a way to greet an old friend? By comparing me to the Red Devil?"

And they snapped open. "T-T-Toji!?!?!" The ethereal jock laughed at his discomfort.

"In the not-quite-flesh, man. How ya been?" He waved lazily as he floated around the Thirds head, dressed in his usual outfit.

"Good, I guess. Toji?"

"Yeah, man?"

"You... are dead, yes? As in, I didn't imagine the horrible pain and screaming and bad things, yes?" He regarded the still floating pale, rather blue friend of his.

Toji, for his part, regarded himself rather strenuously. "Yep, dead. Gone, vanished, va-moose-ked, sprung da mortal coil, deceased, ceased to be, a dead parrot, that's me."

_Ah, good to know. _"Umm, Toji?"

"Yeah, Ikari?" He continued to float about his head.

"You're dead," he stated matter-of-factly to the dead boy, and it sounded like he had made some great revelation for the world.

Toji nodded. "Yep, dead, gone, deceased, va-moose-ked, ceased-"

"I think I get it. Why are you here? Shouldn't you be doing... dead people things?"

"Like... floating around and goin' 'boo' at folks?" He shook lightly under a fit of ghost laughter. Why ghost laughter was so very different from regular laughter was a matter of semantics.

"Sure, that works."

"Boo," said the spirit cheekily to the boy.

Now that the matter at hand had been cleared up to his liking, he asked again, "So, why are you here, Toji?" Of course, it's not like he really wanted to know- one's best friend appearing as a specter from beyond the grave never usually bode well for... well, anyone.

"Remember? Anti-Christ? Lucifer? Hell on Earth, King of Demons, Slayer of Angels and all dat?" The ghost jock shrugged and crossed his arms. "Or did you t'ink dat I could just pop in for a visit whenever I wanted?" He laughed again.

"True. You would spy on Misato first, if it was all on you. Have you?"

"Only a little," Toji admitted. Shinji crossed his arms and tapped his foot impatiently. "Okay, a little more then a little. But, she's, like, naked! Mostly. And drunk!"

"And you're incorporeal," Shinji reminded him none too gently.

"Piss off," Toji said sullenly. Then, he brightened up. "So, oh master of da Underworld, what shall we do?"

"Show you to Hikari? I don't know, Toji. What does an Anti-Christ do for fun?"

"Rape, murder, pillage, club baby seals?" He leaned backwards, but overshot and did an awkward back-flip, which left him upside down. He stayed there for a moment. "I dunno, man. Mess with Red? Find out what superpowers you're landed with?"

"Yeah, I guess... did you say superpowers?"

The ghost shrugged again. "Closer ta Satan-powers, but, yeah, I guess. Isn't that what an Antichrist does? Fucks around by way of being awesome and such?"

"I guess so. What do I have, though?"

Toji grinned. "Only one way to find out!"

***

The train car was empty- mostly. There were two occupants; two living occupants. One was, of course, Shinji, Anti-Christ Ordinare. The other was a girl from his school- a different class, but she knew him, or at least of him. When one pilots a giant robot of the apocalypse, word spreads as to whom is piloting it.

Either way, they sat on not quite opposite ends of the train car- the red-head in the school uniform was at one end, and he was opposite in the near-middle. They exchanged an awkward wave, but went back to their separate devices- hers was listening to music, and his was muttering to his ghost friend. "You sure?"

"Definitely, man. No pain, no game. Create, like, wind or somet'ing. Satan has to be able to do someat like dat!"

"Wind? You just want to see up her skirt!"

"I can do dat already, man. Ghost, remember?"

"True," he conceded, looking at where his friends head stuck out of the floor boards. "Alright, here goes... something," he muttered to himself. He scrunched up his eyes really hard, concentrating on the thought. Wind... wind... wind...!

He looked up- no wind, or at least none caused by him. Footsteps. "Ikari-kun? Are you alright? Do you... need to use the toilet, or something?" He really should know her name. _M... something._

"Fine, thanks. Just... disappointed, is all."

She cocked her head to one side. "Why? What's wrong, Ikari-kun?"

"Something..." He looked down; Toji's face had supplanted his foot, making it feel oddly like it was under cold water. Say it, he mouthed, grinning around his mimed words. "No," he said quietly as the school girl took a tentative step closer to the mumbling boy. Toji, for his part, bent at the waist so that his feet were somewhere in Ikari's kidneys. He yelped and jumped upwards, nearly bumping into the poor girl. "Goddamnit, fine!" He pointed his finger at her brazenly. "Satan Powers ACTIVATE!!!" He watched the startled red head a moment, before saying, "See? Nothing!"

She promptly burst into flames.

Something about her waving her arms around like that set something off in the ghost- he was laughing, clutching his stomach in his ecstasy. Shinji, for his part, danced around her, trying to think of something. "Ummm, Satan Powers Deactivate!!" Nothing (Besides the poor girls screaming, of course). Damnit! He thought for a moment, then, "Lucifer, Lucifer, Lucifer!!!" He waved his arms up and down for good measure. A man in a pin-striped suit came in through the door, holding a well-licked ice cream cone, holding a demure look upon his face.

"You rang?" Shinji pointed at the flaming girl, who was still rolling around a little. "Yes?"

"FIX HER!" Satan waved a hand, and her breasts grew two sizes. "She's on fire!"

"So? I'm used to it!"

"I'm not! Make her be not on fire!"

"You're no fun." He waved his hand again, leaving a charred corpse which was no longer on fire. As an after thought, he snapped his fingers, and her sin and hair grew back into its proper state. Shinji noticed that her breasts remained in their engorged state. "How'd you manage that?"

Shinji rolled the girl over onto her back, holding her hand as she hyperventilated against him. "I did what Toji said!"

"Really?" The Devil held an incredulous face, when Shinji nodded, he slapped his thigh and sighed in defeat. He fished out a wad of bills and threw them to Toji, who caught them (As they seemed to dematerialize in mid-air to make due for the jocks particular handicap) with a grin plastered on.

"Sweet!" He palmed through the wad before pocketing it. "Shinji, you're great, man, dat was da most fun I've had since I died!"

"You almost killed her," Shinji admonished angrily.

"Doesn't stop me," reminded Toji, sticking his arm through the girls forehead to drive the point home.

"Point taken," said the Antichrist. "So, Satan, who do I... umm... do to not do that again?"

"Shinji, that was kind of the point of being Antichrist, remember? Hell on Earth, destruction, death, fast times?"

"True, but I'd rather be able to control them on my own. Unless I need to shout out catchphrases every time I do it," he said with a glare to the ghost beside him.

"Good point. Just stop saying 'Satan Powers Activate' and you'll be fine for now. Care if I stop by tomorrow?"

"That works, I guess." He looked down as the girl started to wake up. He cocked his head off kilter, gazing into her eyes.

Naturally, she started screaming loud enough to startle the deceased, who bounced into view with a "Hrrr-Wha' ma'?!?" This prompted her to redouble in her efforts. A window on the train cracked loudly.

"Have fun, kids!" Lucifer waved at them cheerily, then made his exit as he licked at his ice cream cone again.

***

"So... you're the Antichrist?"

"Yup." He rubbed the back of his head gingerly where she had kicked him. He didn't blame her- she was under the stress of dieing horribly, after all.

"And you accidentally set me on fire, only to call upon Satan himself to save me from certain death, yes?" He nodded meekly, and she rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "Cool!"

He looked at her strangely. "I set you on fire and reveal myself as the doom of humanity and you think that's cool?"

"What, I should be running in terror?"

"Yes," supplied Toji. He laughed at both of them, thumbing his nose as the girl flipped him off.

"Buzz off, buzzard," the girl said. "By the by, my name is Mana. Kirishima Mana," she said while sticking out a hand.

"Ikari Shinji," he said unnecessarily as he took the offered appendage. "Quite the meeting we've had, ne?"

"Yeah, but how many girls can say that for their first date they were set on fire!" For all that had happened to her, she seemed remarkably chipper about it.

"Really, I... date?" He took a step backwards. Toji sniggered from his perch in the luggage rack.

She stepped closer with a seductive smile. "What? Afraid of setting me on fire somewhere else?"

_Terrified, actually. You're scary! _"N-n-no, I-"

She lunged forward, grabbing the scrawny boy in a hug. "Good. You owe me, anyway."

He supposed that he did. Toji leered at them from the luggage rack, his legs sticking outside of the train as it rumbled to its destination.


	3. Draculina

Toji and Mana stood and floated outside of a small Greek Cafe that Satan had chosen for the meeting. They weren't allowed in, and had been waiting outside for the past twenty or so minutes. The girl looked up suddenly.  
"So you went to Hell, huh?"  
The jock looked up at Mana. "Wha'?"  
"Hell. You went there, yes? Seeing as Satan has brought you back to annoy Shinji-kun and all." She grinned lightly as he kicked her in the thigh, feeling his coldness seep through her.  
"Hell? No, I wasn't that bad. I went to Purgatory. Satan owns an equal half of it." He leaned back upon nothing, assuming his new favorite position.  
"And? How was it?" Girl's nosy, he thought.  
"Boring, really. Basically it's a cosmic time-out corner so all the big girls and boys can think about what they've done. I was clean, except for trying to kill angels and whatnot. They don't like that, apparently. Spent a week in there- felt like a century. Then Satan says 'No, go back!' And, bam, I'm da ghost of da group."  
"Sounds tough," she conceded. He nodded. "Would you like a hug?"  
He glared at her as she broke into a fit of giggles. "Suck my ectoplasm, bitch. Should have left you burnin'."  
"Too bad that's not your business, it's-" Ikari walked in, wearing his usual platonic expression. "SHINJI-KUN!!!" She launched herself at him, grasping him in a fierce hug. She frowned as he beat at her arms but, as per usual, she saw it in the best (To her mind) light. "Shinji-kun, you're so frisky today!" He started to choke as she constricted his wind-pipe.  
"You realize he's turnin' a bit blue, yeah?" The ethereal jock pointed lazily to his friend and (presumably) masters face, which indeed seemed to be taking on a none-too-healthy hue of blue.  
"Really?" Shinji started frothing at the mouth. "Oh. Oops!" She dropped him roughly onto her knee- by the way he gasped in pain; Toji suspected that it was a kidney.  
"So," the ghost began, "What did Satan say?"  
Ikari looked at him cross-wise. "He gave me a pamphlet!"  
"What?"  
Wordlessly, the Antichrist held up an off-white pamphlet- its front page was a black and white picture of a cheery looking demon with a pitchfork, jabbing said weapon into someone's bum. A speech bubble leading from his maw said "Corruption and You: How to Become the Anti-Christ in 9 Easy Steps!" Mana took it from his numb hands, leafing through it quickly.  
"'Step 3: Masturbation makes the mind wander, and lets you become closer to becoming the new King On Earth.' Huh. Satan seems pretty loose, all in all."  
"Probably cuz he's Satan," quipped Toji. Mana pointedly ignored him.  
"Ooooh," she squealed as she looked through the five page pamphlet. "Here's one- 'Step 8: Commit a murder of a friend; it frees the spirit for the evil about to fall afoot.' Sounds fun."  
"How close is close enough, I wonder?" Toji looked cross-ways at Mana, who ignored him in favor of latching onto Shinji's arm.  
"Shinji-kun, let's start the list!!!" She regarded him with greedy, pleading eyes.  
"W-w-we? Why we?" He shook his arm to rid himself of her, but she simply gripped it tighter.  
"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease, Shinji-kun! I'll be good... or very bad, if you like." She wiggled her hips, and rubbed her chest all up and down his arm.  
"Mana, you're fourteen!!!" He struggled harder to rid himself of her vice-like grip, but to no avail.  
"So are you!" Perhaps the she didn't 'Get' was that she hadn't filled in very well at all- at the moment, her breasts consisted of two mediocre lumps stacked under a training bra, and her hips seemed to be lacking in the existence department. Honestly, if it weren't for the long hair and the fact that she was rubbing her crotch on his knee at the moment, he could have mistaken her for a boy. "I'll be gentle on you!" He finally managed to break the hold on his limb, causing the girl to slip and fall on her face.  
Toji swooped in on her, planting his feet through her skull. "Shinji, go! I'll run interference!" To prove the point, he jumped up, and then went down through the floor up to his waist, effectively giving the girl an effect similar to water-boarding. "GO!!!"  
Shinji paused just long enough to gather the pamphlet to him, and then he was off, bolting away from the girl in terror.  
Behind him, he could hear a thunderous yell- "**Shiiiiiiiinjiiiiiiiii**!!!"  
He ran faster.

He wedged himself between the dumpster and the crumbling brick wall, thankful that it was an ill-used drop off point for the refuse of the city. He patted his pocket, finding his quarry in there. He pulled out the off-white sheaves of paper, and turned it to the first page (Emblazoned with a large, fiery 1 to the bottom right). It was the preface- it read; "Welcome, new employee, to Satan Inc.! Since this is your first time with us, we will give a basic rundown as to the benefits, responsibilities, and abilities that come with your new source of employment as Anti-Christ!!!" The last word was hastily scrawled in with a chicken-scratch dialect that was hard to decipher. He must have quite a few applicants, thought Shinji. He began reading again; "As the newest Anti-Christ!!!, you are expected to sow destruction , reap the souls of the innocent, and Reign Hell On Earth!!! . The question is, good sir or madam, how do you go about doing this?" Shinji scanned down the rest of the page- it outlined the illustrious history of Hell with catch-all terminology and hastily scribbled in facts (Whoever did that had a spelling problem). He turned the page to, as Satan had put it, his "Undefeatable, indefatigable 9 step process to becoming the new Antichrist!!!"  
In stark black and white, which contrasted harshly with the otherwise gaudy lettering that characterized the front page, there was the heading, **Step One**. Underneath it, in smaller kanji, 'Scream. Unleash a primal scream of rage, pain, joy, what have you. It unleashes the inner hellion inside us all!'

Shinji rolled his eyes. _Satan is fucking lazy, is what. Whatever._ He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and screamed.

Well, tried to, anyway. What came out of his throat was more of a strained whimper- the Third Child was not used to screaming unless some ungodly [_sic_] monster was tearing him limb from limb. He had little practice otherwise, and the stigma for making himself known was still strong. He shook his head and tried again.

He took another breath, and prepared to try again. Nothing; a strangled cry for help.

He prepared to take another, but stopped.

Wait… wait… ears straining, he held what little oxygen was still in his lungs.

Then, a whisper. "Shiiiiiiinji-kun… Shiiiiiiiiiiiiinji-kun…"

They were getting closer, now.

"Where are you? Shiiiinji-kun…"

He softly let out a breath, only in order to gather more oxygen.

"There you are!" Hands grasped him around the neck from behind, pulling him backwards with more force then a fourteen year old stick should rightfully own. This time, he had no problem letting out a shriek of terror.

"Hmmmm…"

"What is it?" Toji was still glaring sullenly at her, the mistress herself sitting heavily on Shinji, the Third child breathing shallowly.

Mana twirled the pamphlet in her hands once again, reading the 'Mystical, Wonderful, Magical Step-by-Step Process to Daemonhood' (or somesuch like that, anyway). "Well, whatever, but the first step, the one where he has to scream?"

"Yeah?"

"It's crossed out. Looks like blood."

"Well, it is straight from the bowels of Hell. Dat stuff is like some of that dope weed goin' round the Shinigami headquarters."

"The Shinigami have a headquarters?"

He sighed ethereally. "Yeah. It's like one big goddamn police station. At least they're cool about it- the worse your death, the nicer they are. They kick smothered babies over there, though. It's like a sport, or som'thin'."

"That's horrible!"

"They do the same job, goin' on ten million, billion, whatever years straight. I'd kick 'em too."

"Well, I guess…no! You sick fuck! You're wrong in the head!"

"And you're killing the Anti-Christ," he pointed out coolly.

She shook her head, running her fingers through Shinji's hair- he was going blue once again. "If I let up, he'll run away again! Do you know how hard he is to catch?" Toji shook his head, little wisps of him detaching at random. "Very damn hard! He's a slippery one, yes he is, my lil' Shinji-kun!" Her voice turned from a rage to a coo, and she pinched the boys' cheeks roughly at the words "lil' Shinji-kun!" She looked back at the pamphlet in her hands, shifting her weight to the left a little so that Shinji could gasp fruitlessly at the precious, evasive air that so mocked his starved lungs. "What's the next step… ah!" She abruptly frowned. "Oh, poo. That's not good at all!" She fitfully threw it on to the ground, making a 'Hmmph'-ing noise as she did. Luckily, it was face up, so Toji could read the lettering.

"Step Two… petty vandalism? Really? Is Satan some cosmic Highschool delinquent?" The ghost shook his head.

In the lightest corner of the world (So bright that a normal mans eyes would melt from the radiance), a man coughed fitfully, wiping dark, dirty locks from his eyes with a weak hand, and there was the sensation of falling.

Hours passed- days, months, years, millennia, maybe, falling, crashing, burning- and when it stopped, the man stood on shaky feet, stamping on the ground with be-sandled feet. He eyed the crater his landing had made, hands once again running along his dreadlock like, matted dark hair.

From his lips came the words… "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus…"


End file.
